Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize