she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
