Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
