There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
