dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
