turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
