I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
