You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
