I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My penis needs a shock collar
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
