Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
