Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
