why didn't you poke me back
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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