You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
