i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
