Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize