The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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