Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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