pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
