Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize