This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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