u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
