i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
