every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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