Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
