I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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