I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize