If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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