last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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