what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
