I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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