K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
