what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
