I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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