went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
