I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize