I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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