I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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