Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
