im drinking this country out of the recession.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
