She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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