he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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