then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
