I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think I sprained my soul last night
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
