today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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