I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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