yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
