I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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