We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
