Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
