I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
