i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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