Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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