New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
