did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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