Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
