Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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