How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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