Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
