made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
