i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
