Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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