Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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