Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
