Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
