Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
