i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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