I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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