I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
