Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
