we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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