pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
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