My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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