Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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