I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
