So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
