I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
