i was rollin on her like bob the builder
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize