I will die if light touches me.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
