My room smells like vodka and shame
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
