I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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