so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
