I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
