So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
