he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
