You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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