I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Randomize
