Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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