i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
