oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
