Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize