I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
