the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
