I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
