Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
